Online dating can be a minefield – which photos to choose, how to write your bio and who to match with can be overwhelming. But one of the most daunting aspects is starting a conversation with a potential match. It goes some way to explaining why there are 1000 people searching online for ‘how to start a conversation on Tinder’ each month.
Online searches for ”Pick up lines for flirting’ have increased 95% in the last year, as people look for inspiration on how to grab the attention of those on the receiving end of messages. And with the number of online dating app users expected to amount to 438.0m by 2027, competition is only going to get more fierce.
Sex educator and coach for www.PracticalPie.com, Niki Davis-Fainbloom, shares her advice on what makes the perfect first message that will greatly increase your chances of a reply.
Check your spelling
“Correct spelling is essential. It’s surprising how many people make the mistake of getting someone’s name wrong, since it’s right there on the same page. Failing to get their name right shows a lack of effort and its the best way to turn someone off.
Research by apps like OKCupid found certain words like “u,” “ur,” “luv,” and “wat” are less likely to lead to a response. If you can’t take the time to write out complete words and coherent sentences, it doesn’t bode well for showing that person you’d like to get to know them. I understand that for those who are in the process of learning English, writing coherently can be difficult, but I suggest using Google translate instead of trying to pick up English slang right away.
Ask lots of questions
Initiating a meaningful conversation begins with a thoughtful approach that resonates with the other person’s interests and passions. One of the most effective ways to accomplish this is by commenting on something intriguing from their profile. In the digital age, where profiles provide a window into an individual’s life, hobbies, and aspirations, this method can be a powerful way to establish a connection.
People often take the time to curate their profiles, highlighting the aspects of their lives that matter most to them. By acknowledging and engaging with these elements, you not only demonstrate attentiveness but also increase the likelihood of sparking a genuine and engaging conversation. Profiles serve as virtual canvases where individuals paint a picture of themselves, sharing their interests, hobbies, and life experiences. This insight into their world offers you a valuable opportunity to make your initial message personal and meaningful.
When you comment on something specific from their profile, whether it’s a shared hobby, a favorite book, or a recent travel destination, you signal that you’ve taken the time to understand them on a deeper level. This personalisation is key in standing out from generic or superficial messages that flood social media and dating platforms. As you delve deeper into shared interests, experiences, and opinions, you lay the foundation for a connection that transcends superficiality.
Size Matters
When it comes to that first message, you want to stick to medium length. Extremely short messages like “Hi” or “How’s it going?” can be dull and don’t open up the conversation. On the other hand, excessively long messages can be overwhelming, especially in an initial interaction. These lengthy messages may intimidate the other person and discourage them from responding.
A medium-length message strikes a balance between showing your interest and offering something to engage with in the conversation. A well-crafted message that’s concise yet thoughtful can pique the other person’s interest and give them something to respond to. Remember, the goal is to establish a connection, whether it’s for a casual encounter or something more, and a thoughtful approach goes a long way in achieving that.
Click send at the right time
Be mindful of the timing of your messages. Messaging someone at 3am can be a red flag, suggesting you’re only interested in a late-night rendezvous. Consider when you send your messages and only reach out once. If you message someone and don’t get a response, let it go. Do you really want to be bothering someone who isn’t interested in talking to you?
Moreover, the frequency of your messages plays a crucial role in how you are perceived. Bombarding someone with multiple messages in quick succession can come across as invasive or overly eager. It’s generally a good practice to reach out once and then wait patiently for a response.
Ultimately, respecting someone’s boundaries and their right to respond on their own terms is key to building healthy and mutually satisfying relationships. By showing consideration for their time and feelings, you demonstrate maturity and genuine interest in connecting with them, which can lead to more meaningful interactions in the long run.
So forget the cheesy lines, the perfect message uses the correct name, is sent during waking hours and contains a question or two about something you’ve identified as important to that other person, from their profile.”